I committed adultery. The only thing that I regret is being caught. I have loved Antoine my entire life and when I started dating his best friend and found out who he was to James I was at a lost. I could have walked away, but then I would have lost him again. I could have come clean to James, but he was already in love. Antoine could have been honest, but he envied James and so here we are. I was caught up, loving two different men, and trying to figure out who this other bitch was who has opened James’s pretty brown eyes. James won’t open up to me about who it is but I know there is someone else. Well, there was before he found out in depth about me.
Denise sat on his bed after losing her virginity to Toine. He had been ‘Most likely to Succeed’ in high school and all of the girls wanted their boyfriend to be the head football player for their school. Denise knew that at the end of all things; Toine was by far the most important to her. When her mother committed suicide; Toine would stay over curfew to console her, he would cook for her, and he would make sure she was in school. Toine’s mother would feed her the nights her father was drunk and didn’t want to be bothered. The two were quite close friends and the two became quiet lovers. Their hands begin to intertwine, their lips begin to touch, and here she sat on the edge of his bed at sixteen completely loss of innocence.
“Did we really just have sex T?” Denise was in a state of shock.
“Was it special for you?” She asked him.
“You know I already lost it to Shay.”
“Yes, I do know that, but I’m not just a regular girl.” Denise responded.
“You aren’t baby. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“You sure?” She questioned gull-ably.
“Positive. We are forever.”
“And a day?” She asked.
“A lifetime.” He’d always respond. It took her a very long time to understand that the boy she loved had some growing up to do. He loved her more than he cared to admit and he knew he was too young to try and understand the love that grew in his heart for her. She had one small girl that turned into a big spot in the middle of his beating heart and he fled.They separated shortly after Denise lost her virginity.Denise cried for days and then one day she decided she would better herself. She would attempt to make her life “normal” and do what “normal” women did: find a man that is easy to at least like and take his money. When she met James at Georgia Tech as he was in school for his degree for his architect endeavors she had hit the jackpot. He was tall, cute as hell, buried in his books, and was already an Alpha man; quite the catch for a woman who completely changed gears to succeed. Denise went from short curls, no make up at all, skinny, and quiet to long extensions, made up face, voluptuous and dedicated to Clark Atlanta University for her degree. At SpelHouse (Spelman and Morehouse homecoming), the two were drunk, danced, and exchanged numbers. There were more men to catch that day, but out of all the numbers, James remained persistent and he courted her like she wanted to be courted. He was a gentlemen, no children, with a lot of ambition. Denise knew this was her way to faking it until she begin making it then she could leave him and start living independently. Was that so wrong she often thought? She didn’t think so and she couldn’t imagine going against her plan she made at a young 16.
“I want you to meet my friends. I want them to know where I been spending all my time.” James suggested after five months of dating each other.
“I am ready. I love spending all of my time with you.” Denise liked James; he was way cooler than she previously thought and he was very handsome. The time they spent were beginning to be everything she had desired in her teenage life with her teenage love. He had treated her better than any man had ever attempted to. He paid attention to the way she smiled, the way she blinked when nervous, and how she swayed her hips as she walked while reading a book. The day she walked into the apartment to see Toine for the first time in a very long time, everything crashed.Her palms were sweaty, her heart felt as if it would jump out of her chest and she sat there staring at him as he stared at her. They exchanged hellos and they exchanged goodbyes. She left and Toine followed close behind to talk to her and it was history ever since.
“What are you doing dating my best friend?” Toine asked. Denise kept walking to avoid him. Her eyes had swelled up with tears. She didn’t think she would ever have to see him again let alone in the apartment he shared with her boyfriend James.
“Do I know you?” Denise pretended.
“I know I fucked up but we were young and I was just, I’m sorry.” He began.
“What do you want from me Antoine?”
“Another chance to make you love me again.” His hands were in hers at this point.
“I need you to understand that I am a person and I don’t want you!” She asserted herself, but he just pulled her to his face and kissed her. He kissed her hard and long; his tongue massaged hers and she didn’t fight anymore. She didn’t want to fight; she didn’t have to fight. Her arms went around his neck and she knew that is where she belonged. Just like that it had come flooding back and her tears fell; it had been the first time in three years that she allowed herself to shed any tears for the man that left her to fend for herself. She hated to love him, but needed him to love.
“What are we doing? I love your best friend.” Denise whined staring in Toine’s eyes.
“I don’t want to hurt him. We’ll figure out how to fix this. I have to talk to him. We are forever.” He stated.
“And a day?” She asked.
“A lifetime.”They recited it like old times.Toine never opened his mouth to address the issue because he saw how happy his friend was and after two years of not saying anything but consistently wining,dining,sneaking,and fucking Denise; James popped the question. When James asked Denise, he was immediately furious that James asked her; he felt as if he was allowing his love to slip away, but James was his boy. Denise wanted to say no but how could she when she had been playing the role like that’s what she wanted? Her life was one big mess. The weeks were flying by, arrangements were being made, and she cried whenever she wasn’t with James or Toine. She cried because the man she loved still hadn’t stepped up and claimed their time together. She cried because she had lost control of the situation; but she wouldn’t be thrown away like yesterday’s trash like Toine previously had done. As she was folding up her clothes and packing to move in with James; Toine arrived at her house.
“What are you doing here?” She questioned.
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Toine blurted out. His breath reeked of alcohol and his eyes were red as if he had been crying.
“Spend the rest of your life with me then.” She stated plainly walking away from him to continue folding her clothes.
“I can’t hurt James; he has had my back countless times and I know how much he loves you.”
“So you’re giving me away again?” She spoke.
“No, we will never be apart again. We will just have to figure out a way to stay together even though we aren’t supposed to be together.” Toine said. He became very quiet prompting Denise to turn to him. Antoine was on his knee with an engagement ring in his hand.
“What the hell are you doing?” She blurted out.
“Will you spend the rest of everyday with me until you can’t breathe, eat, talk, live anymore without me?”
“I am spending my life with James because you can’t be a man and say shit!” She exclaimed.
“Shut up and answer my question.”
“How will this work?” She shrieked.
“We have always found a way; please Denise Iman Slater.” Antoine stared into her eyes and she stared into his. These two would damage a man, but they would have each other. It was a punk ass way to love, but nevertheless, they’d love.
“Get off the ground.”
“Not until you say forever.” He smiled. There were so many things running through her mind and she knew she was wrong. She knew she was not loyal to James. She knew that her knight in shining armor was not where her heart was, but she had to follow Toine. She always followed him and it felt right. It was like learning to ride a bike; you fall and you fall and then one day you get up and you stay on the seat riding through the wind, the world, the city, and love. You absolutely love the freedom you have; Toine afforded her freedom and love. James afforded her responsibility, life, and comfort,but love broke every barrier since she had so little love from her childhood.
“Forever.” She stated. He slid the ring on her finger on the right hand. They were wrong; He pulled up her dressed, picked her off the ground,slammed her against the wall and rested her back against the wall making love to her. She moaned and she hollered from the intensity, from the love, from the sex… until she heard a knock on the door.
“It’s James.” She freaked out.
“Let him in. I’ll go hide.” Toine hid and he listened to his friend express his excitement and was sick to his stomach.
“I’ve never saw that ring before.” He stated running his hand over Toine’s ring.
“I bought it today.”
“It looks expensive. You don’t have to pay for anything when you become my wife baby.” He cooed.
“I know.” The two talked and Denise convinced him to allow her to finish and have alone time since they’d be living together soon. James kissed her and exited her apartment. Toine exited his hiding spot absolutely pissed.
“I fucking hate that he loves you and he has you whenever and we have to sneak around.”
“This is your fucking mess, so fix it.” Antoine never fixed it; he didn’t have the heart to. Instead his anger set in eventually telling James that he was fucking his wife.
I rubbed the ring that sat on my finger thinking of everything that I had been through with both men and everything remained the same; James was weak and Toine dominated my heart. I watched James closely over the last couple of weeks and his love affair ended. The sneaking off was over, the phone calls ended, the text messages ended, and he was still no longer showing me attention or having sex with me. He was completely through with being sensitive and allowing me to manipulate the situation. I wasn’t sure who had taught him to open those blinders he had, but she had fucked up my situation. Toine and I had our own place, we had our own life, and we allowed James the happiness he thought he needed. He thought he had proof and he did; he had enough to take away all of my riches from the marriage, but I had a stash and I also had another life in which I had made sure I would be alright. He could take everything and I’d still have 5 figures. Toine gave me adventure, he gave me smiles, he gave me life, knowledge, and gave me a way to release the pint up aggression from regular life. James was great, but he was boring. He was controlling. He was manicured. He was straight forward. He dressed the same, acted the same, and fucked me the same. I was over my marriage and over my husband. I was married to two men. One that I had loved my whole life and one I never got a chance to fully love.
“Baby, what’s the next move?” Toine asked as we stood cooking dinner together.
“I want to give him his divorce.” I responded.
“It’s about time. We just have to make sure he doesn’t know that we’re married too.”
BUMP OR DUMP??? Are Toine and Denise really married? What is next? Short but SWEET!
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